Denial…
By nutcase101. Filed in Friends, Rant, The unknown |
She was my best friend. I was there for her when she got pregnant at 18 and married a boy of 17. I was there when she gave birth to her first child and her second. I gave her what I could when their paychecks weren’t enough because I couldn’t let her or her children go hungry. She cried on my shoulder when shortly after her third child’s birth, before her twenty-second birthday, when she decided to divorce. And I supported her. She was my best friend.
She felt the need to never be alone, taking on a new boyfriend, a one night stand and then the series of fiances. They all loved her and I was going to be a bridesmaid many times over.
During the parade of men, I had graduated college and moved on with my life. The time she and I spent together was sparse moments when I was home. No matter what was going on, I encouraged her to better her life.
Then came the day when she called me, exasperated. She told me it was all a big misunderstanding. And that she had not been called. It wasn’t really her fault and she was going to make the next court date. The crack pipe that Child Services had found under the bed of her second child wasn’t hers, it was one of her fiance’s friend’s. And no one from the court house had told her what time her custody hearing was, it wasn’t her fault that she had lost full custody of her children. Yes, she was still going to marry him.
That was the day I walked away and couldn’t help anymore. I had always seen her as the 18 year old girl I had shared my dreams with. I thought I could save her from the bad decisions by giving her what I thought she needed. But that day, my own dream of her saving herself with my help was shattered and there was more anger at myself, as there was at her and her poor decisions. I was her enabler and she was in denial and I couldn’t support either one of us in that manner anymore.
Friday, March 12th 2010 at 11:18 pm |
I do have some idea how much that hurts. I’ll be thinking of you.
Friday, March 12th 2010 at 11:56 pm |
Oof. That’s hard. xoxo
Sunday, March 14th 2010 at 10:46 am |
I know exactly what you mean: http://realworldgirl.blogspot.com/2007/11/sometimes-being-friend-means-mastering.html
Friday, March 19th 2010 at 12:28 am |
It’s hard to watch your friends keep hurting themselves sometimes you need to walk away. I swear I wouldn’t be friends with some of my high school friends if I met them now instead of back in the day. I have a friend who is a single mom and my heart breaks for her when she can’t afford to eat (she ensures her son does) but doesn’t do anything about it or use the resources out there.