Nutcase 101

There are very few authors that make me want to buy their books in hardcover. I usually wait for others to review a new find or I’ll pick up someone off the shelf that hasn’t been deemed worthy of a book jacket, only trade paper.

But then there is one author that I hold to such a high esteem that as soon as I know she’s even writing a new novel, I wait. And wait. And want to yell, “TYPE FASTER JENNIFER WEINER. ”

Her latest work, “Best Friends Forever” has a title that appears to be a catch phrase that a middle schooler would adopt but don’t let that be a barrier to reading this fabulous novel.

I’ve read all of Jennifer’s novels, starting way back when with “Good in Bed’, relating to her protagonists on so many levels because there’s easily issues in their lives that are parallel to my own. And the main character in “Best Friends Forever”, Addie, is the one that I’ve most identified with because damn, if her high school life wasn’t like mine.

I shan’t ruin it for you but if you’ve ever had a shitty high school life, felt like the outcast, couldn’t say the right thing when you needed, been jealous of others, can’t understand your sister, want to kick your neighbors in the shins, feel like you need to be queen of the PTA but you can’t brush your hair in the morning: go buy/check out ANY (AND I MEAN ANY) of Jennifer Weiner novels.

(This message was not paid for by Jennifer Weiner, endorsed by Jennifer Weiner, loved by Jennifer Weiner, etc. It was written by a Jenifer – with one N.)

One Snuggie at a time.

So, I got my Snuggie this past week and was not as excited after Jocelyn told me about her fabulous experience with the $14.99 airport blanket of the cursed.

BUT!

I have found a purpose for the Snuggie and it’s cheap flannel material: a new source of electricity. As soon as I removed the yards and yards of material from the box, sparks started flying. There was no rubbing the material on carpet or touching anything but the cardboard box, the static was shooting out every which way. I got a nice jolt simply trying to put the large mess of fabric back in to the box.

If every man, woman and child had a Snuggie and hook up electrodes to collect the electricity, we’d never have to worry about coal, nuclear power, or other sources to generate power. Or maybe sew a ton of Snuggies together to make one GINORMOUS super power that would probably keep a small town going for five-to-six minutes.

So, bottom line, it looks like Snuggie will be staying in the box for a while now. I’m afraid that if I do use it, I’ll be on the evening news for the first death by Snuggie electrocution.

(Jocelyn and anyone with fashion taste, I recommend you leave now. Or feel free to mock me in the comments.)

Here in Texas there is this big ball in the sky that appears in the morning and goes away at night. It’s bright and you can’t look right at it or you’ll cause your eyeballs to revolt out of your head.

You may have heard about it, it’s called THE SUN!

I know, after thirty years on this planet, I’ve just discovered this great big ball of gas. And it’s all the sun’s fault that I did what I had to do. See, that sun thing causes heat. A FUCKING AMOUNT OF HEAT. And I am delicate. A precious flower of modern livingness and I can’t get hot because I start to sweat and get icky without my permission. Now, if I sweat due to working out, that’s fine. It’s sweat with a purpose.

Sweating against my will due it simply being daytime and FUCKING HOT (that’s the only true way to describe the heat here), me no likey. Yes, I’m a big whiny baby.

Anyway.

So, I’m driven to being indoors where I can layer up the clothes if the air conditioning is too cold. Only there is a problem. At one of my work locations, our home, the A/C regulates everything beautifully. Except for one spot.

My desk.

Unfortunately, the AC vent, which refuses to relocate itself, blows directly on me. Now because I can’t move my PC and all the plugs, wires and the leasing office won’t let me knock down a wall, there isn’t another place I can move my electronic mecca. Now, when the air is not running, I’m great. Fine. Hunky Dory.

But, when it blows…oh baby, you’d think that Old Man Winter moved in and decided that I needed to be the Queen of his icicle world. So, I bought it.

I’ve tried throws, that get thrown off but my upper body remains behind to suffer. I’ve even put my robe on backwards but the arm holes aren’t the right way. It’s the irony people. I get away from the heat for the cold and then the A/C freeze out occurs. I can’t win.

Now, if you need me. I’ll be the person looking like I’m about to join a cult and drink some kool aid. But I’ll be warm (but not FUCKING HOT!).

I was looking over old posts that I have stored away and forgotten. Those half-assed written tid-bits that just weren’t worthy of meeting the internets. Well, during my clean up of those junkers (and hoping for inspiration for a new post), I came across this gem of a paragraph:

“We hit the hotel room for a quick refresh and a clean bathroom, because you know that the stops at the Gas N’Go were only to cop a squat and hover your ass over the toilet (due to the fact that the last time Lysol had seen the inside of that potty chamber was ummmmm NEVER). I only went when I was at the point where my bladder would burst and there was a chance of ruining the interior of the car. (I know, the story took a pee derailment, but potty stories are always welcomed.)”

How did I ever let that piece of writing get pushed to the wayside?

Motivation is a necessary factor for being a blog poster. And, right now, I have NONE!

Nada.

Zip.

Zilch.

Instead of focusing on blogging, I’ve been crocheting, cutting out patterns, organizing stuff, getting rid of stuff, trying not to eat food, planning on eating healthy food, thinking of blog posts but forgetting to write topics down, and other things to add to this list.

My last finished project is for my best friend Jennifer, who is due on April 17th with a little boy, so I figured I had to go balls to the wall with the hook and come up with this:

You know, just a little something.

And, hopefully, while I’m on my next project, I promise to focus on blogging. Promise!

I’m thinking about sprucing up this ol’ blog place. It was a slapped together mishmosh of a standard background and not a lot of else. There is of course the content, but we both know that’s fabulous.

What do you like about your blogs, if you’re a blogger? And, if you’re not, what the favorite parts of the blogs you do enjoy reading? Besides mine of course.

This is year two for me to NaBloPoMo and I do it for a reason. To drive myself insane. Okay, that’s not the real reason (sorta).

Real reason: I want to be a better writer. And, I want to be able write on a regular basis that has my consistent voice. I don’t know what my consistent voice is yet but I’m definitely searching for it, with Sherlock Holmes hat on and all.

In my day job (which I don’t talk about but this isn’t really discussing the job but what skills I have to use) I have to write very professionally with a direct voice, making sure all terms are clear and that there is little to no room for interpretation. But here, I want to get away from that. I want to be a bit humorous (TELL ME THAT I MAKE YOU LAUGH! Or at least chuckle. A little giggle?)

But the NaBlo (Nambla – as my husband loves to refer to it – THANK YOU SOUTH PARK!) it gives me a goal and motivation to get the posts done and to try to make the posts appealing to you, my lovelies.

If there is anything you’d like to know about me, you twenty readers of mine, please leave a comment or drop me a line and I’ll do my best to answer it.

I wish I had a way to imbed this video but believe me it’s worth the click.

First Dance to Remember

Get past the first 30 seconds and you’ll see why I laughed my ass off.

Since this past week I’ve been feeling like pollen is ruling my world (and it is), I wanted to get out of the house for a bit on Saturday while I had a some of energy. B needed some undies and socks and I wanted some fabulous things from the MAC Counter.

The other motivator to go the mall was a fabulous exhibit of creativity a la Red Bull. There had been billboards posted around town for months before soliciting artists to challenge their mind to come up with works that would embody the drink and emotions that evoke Red Bull (does that make sense? In my dayquil addled mind it does). Then came the flashy campaign showing off the wonderment of the human mind, an energy drink and soldering gun.

B and I wanted to take a gander at the exhibit and kept scouring the mall for it’s location. We actually went down every wing on all the floors except for one. And of course that’s where the wise curators had put the exhibit. Right between Channel, Yves Saint Laurent and Michael Kors. B and I never mosey down that section. One, because I use the word mosey and people that mosey typically can’t afford Channel. And two, I love Micheal Kors and would want to roll around with the handbags – the sales girls frown upon doing that.

The exhibit really did amaze me. I wish I could’ve taken pictures of all the pieces. I have to say that the frog and the teddy bear, were really my favorite because of the fun nature of the pieces. There were a couple of interactive sculptures but unfortunately, due to the crowds, I couldn’t get a great shot of the intricacies of the art or how they worked.

I find when I get to look at art where a simple object like a can is turned into sculptural beauty, I feel inspired to get creative myself. Paint, sew, or cook a great meal. Today, I feel like crawling in bed and reading because walking around the mall (and demoing the Wii Fit – more on that in the next post) made me realize what a bitch I am to allergies. I’m going to lay down, enjoy the pics!