Nutcase 101

Actually, B is the crazy one. But I love him and support his decision.

He wants to toilet train the cats.

If you knew how much litter we go through a year, you’d be helping the cats understand that the toilet is their friends. Sassy, with her ‘issue’, pees like a sprinkler. It’s fucking NUTS the amount of urine that comes out of her 13lb body. Anyway, with my back, it’s hard for me to clean out the litter boxes (yes, we have to have TWO) and the number of times we have to clean out said boxes, it’s exhausting.

During a trip to Petco, Brian found the Litter Kwitter. (Warming: video of cats shitting on a toilet)

It’s a potty training system with felines that gets them use to doing onesies and twosies over different trays that start out fully enclosed to a tray that is mostly a giant hole with a moat of litter around it. If this works, our life will be easy. Just go in and flush the toilet. And I’m sure B will devise a way to get the cats to enjoy the magical sounds of whirling water, so that they’ll flush after themselves. One can dream that our crazy antics will work!

This weekend I was away in Phoenix with the lovely B, off to visit the Father-in-law and his second wife. We had a delightful time and I have no proof because I forgot the camera. Yup. I left it sitting on the couch all by itself.

The cats on the other hand did not get to stay home either. Since it was Valentine’s Day Weekend with the added bonus of President’s Day added to the end, our friends all made plans that involved them being out of town. So the infamous Lola Rocket and Sassy La Rue went to the vet, ahem, Spa.

So, now we’re home with no photos and two pissed cats.

And to put a cherry on top, B is sick again. He’s off to the doc-in-a-box to prove to them that they were wrong and that he does need an antibiotic. Poor thing was miserable on the plane.

That’s all folks. I know, excitement in a few short sentences. I hope I can give you just as much in my next blog post.

Life is crazy. But really, when is it not??

Thankfully, to keep me sane (or make me insane) and providing free entertainment there is Lola Rocket and Sassy La Rue.

On the outside they look like ordinary house cats but on the inside, they each have distinctive personalities and tolerate each other. Okay, really, it’s Sassy that tolerates Lola and Lola has this insane need to be loved by Sassy. I’m really glad that there isn’t state mandated cat therapy or the bills for these two would bankrupt us.

Lola looks innocent and will be lounging around the couch, then, fast a rocket (haha) she’s running around the apartment, randomly attacking things and Sassy, pretending she’s a big scary cat. Except when anyone goes near her then skittishness sets in and then the heroic folding chair will protect her.

Sassy on the other hand, she doesn’t want you to know that she needs you. She’s a true cats cat. Independent, demanding and aloof. But when you’re not looking all of a sudden a 13lb pile of fur has jumped into your lap and is now stating you can pet her. And that she does need to be loved.

And together, two different cats have finally learned to tolerate each other. Sassy won’t allow a cuddle but she will permit Lola to lay at the same end of the bed with her and there are kitty cat games of tag and hiss that can commence at ANY hour.

Honestly, this post is just me rambling on about my affection for two kitties but really, what can you do when they are your kids? You put up a senseless post bragging about your kids.

I’ll be home on Sunday.

Though, I do have to leave the infamous B with the REALLY infamous Sassy La Rue and the ruthless Lola Rocket. He’ll be stuck with all the furry cuteness of furry by himself, so he gets to do twice the yelling, “Get off of the counters!” “Stop fighting!” “Put that knife down!!”

Yes, I’m checking my luggage before I leave tomorrow to make sure that Lola Rocket didn’t add anything to my carry ons that don’t belong.

AND…I got everything sewn and completed (less one 50’s style apron) before I leave. Unfortunately, I didn’t make it to the post office in time but I did get everything wrapped. So, some of you will be getting a post-Christmas present. But hey, who’s going to argue with getting gifts?

So, I hope to update on Sunday and yes, I’ll miss you and buy you (me) something pretty.

Dear Lola Rocket – Cat of many talents,

I don’t know how you did it. No, really, I have NO FREAKING CLUE how you got a butter knife into my purse but we’re pretty sure you’re the culprit. What proof do your dad and I have? Well, you’ve stolen many pretty, shiny things and hidden them with your little paws. We’ve seen you pull down an entire make up bag full of brushes and place them around the house, stowing them for a later date.

Now, how did I find out that there was a butter knife in my purse? Oh, a metal detector at the Federal Building, that’s how.

I needed to post a package and the closest post office is in a building that houses Federal departments, you have to have your bag and yourself scanned for dangerous possessions. Then I was stopped.

“Ma’am, I can’t let you through. You’re carrying a knife.”

Can you imagine the amount of denial I pleaded when the security officer told me I had a knife in my purse? When he said that it was a large knife? And it took me a few tries to even locate said knife because my bag is a universe unto itself. But there it was, a butter knife, in a crevice and I was in utter shock.

I couldn’t even throw it away because it was the good flatware – at least you do have good taste when it comes to your thievery.

Love,

Your incredibly shocked and amused mother

The culprit begs the court for mercy.

I don’t see a lot of remorse but she does cuddle up to me when I sleep. All is good now.

And it doesn’t hurt that we put coins in empty soda cans. Then we placed the cans on the toilet paper. Lola does not like the sound the can makes when it falls. The toilet paper lives.

And a murder occurs in our house. We have determined that we have a serial killer living among us. B has been found innocent since I am his alibi. The same goes for me, obviously.

But, we’ll get home and find the body, laying there, torn to pieces for the whole world to see it’s inner parts. And we weep.

For the toilet paper has been murdered.

This has been a daily occurrence in the Nutcase household. Sometimes twice a day. We’ve taken steps to put the toilet paper in Witness Protection and still, the murder finds a way to locate it from it’s secret cabinet location. The murderess knows no fear!

(The main suspect looks upon the final resting place of the victim)

Unfortunately, with this kind of terror running amok, it means that our toilet habits have become out of sorts. Because every time we do our business, we’re reminded of this grizzly scene.

And neither B or myself can not shake the images that we’ve encountered. WHEN WILL IT STOP???

Sassy La Rue is getting to be quite a porker. She’s EATING Lola’s food.  I’ve been spending most of my time acting like a goal tender at the guest bath door, hoping to keep the puck of La Rue out of the room.

Often times when I hear chomping in there, it’s not Lola, the intended recepient but Sassy, grazing away.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering, “Why does it matter, who’s eating what? They are cats!” Well, since Sassy is a ’special needs’ kitty, one of her needs is to eat a special diet that helps her kidneys function more efficiently. A diet that is in direct contradiction to a kitten’s needs.

Uh oh. I hear it again. I’ll leave you to enjoy my misery.

Okay, things I’ve forgotten recently:

- My bloggaversary!! Yup, on December 2, 2008, we hit the two year mark of Nutcase 101 being in existence. I know you’re all a twitter with the news! And don’t feel shamed that you didn’t send me a card, a lovely note or flowers because I completely forgot until I saw another blogger celebrating their blog being another year older. Then I decided to look at my first post and came to the conclusion that I completely and utterly missed my own writing trip around the sun.

- We have expanded the Nutcase family. Actually, it’s the S-family but that’s neither here nor there. Now, you’re wondering, “Jen, you didn’t announce you’re pregnant?!” And, no, I am not. Because if I had given birth to a kitten, I’m sure I’d have a whole lot more hits on this blog.

When B and I went to pick up Sassy La Rue from her trip to the “Spa” aka the vet, there was the cutest kitten waiting for someone to give her a forever home. Who are we to deny cuteness a place to snuggle??

Introducing Lola Rocket!! She’s fast like a rocket (obviously), very snuggly and FARTS like a skunk. Seriously. You try to extract her from under the bed and you get a face full of stank. She’s got her own defense mechanism that doesn’t require teeth or claws.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering how Sassy La Rue is reacting to the invader. Lola is quite the determined lover, as you can see in the picture above. And about five seconds after I took that picture, Sassy woke up and told Lola where she could put her paw.

I will say that they are getting along better. Yesterday there was a lovely game of Sassy chase Lola, Lola chase Sassy, Lola and Sassy try to knock down Mommy. Yes, we all had TONS of fun. *Insert eye roll.*

And as for B and Lola, I have strong competition for affection because Lola is a complete Daddy’s girl. This is B’s first kitten as an adult and he wants to make sure that she’s well taken care of and cared for. In return, Lola is making sure the B is getting all the snuggles he could possibly want.

Tags: Lola