Nutcase 101

If you, my lovely five readers, haven’t noticed that for the most part these last few posts have been phoned in. The only one that I can state that I’ve really taken pride in and wanted to write was the one about B and I’s five year anniversary. When I wrote that post the words flew off of my finger tips and I couldn’t wait to click the publish butt on and share with you all my love for my wonderful man.

My lack of creativity isn’t contained to just writing, it’s also affecting my sewing and knitting life. Projects that I’ve been jonsing to do are sitting on the side waiting for my motivation to come back from the vacation that it took without my permission.

And I know what chased part of it away and I don’t really want to talk about it because I’ve bored you enough with my inability to deal with my Grandmother’s passing. Sometimes it feels better to do nothing that to do anything, especially when she was such a huge part in fostering my drive to be creative in the area of crafts. There are also other pressures that are compounding it that I won’t bring into the blogging world.

All I can ask is that you forgive me for not having fabulous posts, or pseudo-fabulous posts of late. Writing isn’t my forte but it is part of the outlets that I have to get things out of my head and it’s much cheaper than therapy.

(This was supposed to have been published February 11th but I forgot – Ooops.)

Two million, six hundred twenty-eight thousand minutes.

That’s how long B and I have been walking this earth declaring our love for one another. And honestly, I had no clue that much time I had passed since we first decided that I’ll be his and he’ll be mine.

Ours wasn’t a traditional meeeting: Girl meets boy on couch of loud party. Boy talks to girl to not be bored at party he didn’t really want to attend. Girl responds to boy because she’s at a party that she didn’t really want to attend. Boy looks for common thread to make the time more enjoyable and Girl talks about computers, servers and connection speed. Boy gets really excited because Girl speaks fluent geek.

From that fun filled night of discussing processors and IT follies, we exchanged numbers and Instant Messaging accounts. Yes, we’re that dorky. And from that party until today, we’ve spoken every day.

We also knew that he was just visiting my locale when we left each other that night but decided it would be great to have friends in different locations. The friendly chats turned flirty and we decided we needed to see each other just one last time. Because what we had couldn’t be ‘real’, it was just harmless fun and a mere fascination.

But, two states, over 5000 miles flown and 600 plus miles driven and hundreds of thousands of cell phone minutes, we sit here married and very much in-love.

To you B, love of my life. I’m so glad you sat on that couch bored out of your mind five years ago. May we speak geek with fervor for many, many more years.

This weekend I was away in Phoenix with the lovely B, off to visit the Father-in-law and his second wife. We had a delightful time and I have no proof because I forgot the camera. Yup. I left it sitting on the couch all by itself.

The cats on the other hand did not get to stay home either. Since it was Valentine’s Day Weekend with the added bonus of President’s Day added to the end, our friends all made plans that involved them being out of town. So the infamous Lola Rocket and Sassy La Rue went to the vet, ahem, Spa.

So, now we’re home with no photos and two pissed cats.

And to put a cherry on top, B is sick again. He’s off to the doc-in-a-box to prove to them that they were wrong and that he does need an antibiotic. Poor thing was miserable on the plane.

That’s all folks. I know, excitement in a few short sentences. I hope I can give you just as much in my next blog post.

From Tuesday until about 3 p.m. on Friday afternoon there was nothing coming out of my mouth that didn’t consist of squeaks and honks. Finally, people’s prayers had been answered and I had lost my voice.

Now, if I had lost my voice ten years ago, I would’ve been able to email people my plights and scribbled on notepads my communications. Or performed various kinds of charades, dancing out ways to get my point across.

Okay, I did do some various monkey moves to try to let people know what I needed to communicate in person – I think my boss would’ve loved to have had a video camera when I got mad over a situation and there was no way to yell the FUCK I was feeling. Though, I will say that no computers, electronics, or coworkers were harmed in my hissy fit.

Thankfully, I had ways to tell the outside world about my situation – Twitter and Facebook. I could still voice my opinion even if nothing was coming out of my mouth. Let’s face it, nothing vital was really coming out of my fingertips either.

Also, Murphy Law sooooo applied during my period of muteness, EVERYONE called me. Honestly, I use my phone more for texting and email than I do for talking but my work, home and landline were all ringing because everyone but my mother wanted to talk to me. (Mom had contacted me via IM and knew I had lost my voice.)

And the kicker, my husband, who obviously was reveling in the silence contributed to the vocal frustration when he told the dentist office to call me about setting up dental appointments. That poor dental receptionists hearing will never be the same since my hearing my squawks which were supposed to sound like the English language. HA!

You might recall that I mentioned back in September, that right after my grandmother passed, one of my closest work friends lost her husband suddenly, he was only 44.

They had been trying for a baby for so long and were about to start another round of IVF and if that didn’t work they were going to adopt.

I got together a group of women (men were invited but politely declined) to teach them how to crochet, so that they could make squares to create a blanket of love for M. Originally, I was going to teach the group how to make hats for Chemo patients but the project was switched after they heard about the Schuyler Blanket Project.

Well, I’m happy and sad to say that the blanket was presented to M today. I’m sad because we had to rush the blanket to completion due to M taking another job, so that she could start ‘anew’ – she has a lot of great and sad memories associated with our workplace.

But, she loved the blanket so much and there wasn’t a dry eye in the room when it was presented. She had no clue that we had been meeting almost every Tuesday for the last three months making squares. I’m glad that she gets to take our love with her.

And, just for the record, 25+ women made 42 squares (there was supposed to be 48 but I had to give them a cut off to get the blanket sewn together) and out of the 25+ women, 19 of them did not how to crochet at the starting point.

Here is the wonderful blanket that everyone worked so hard on:

Yes, I used the f-word in the title of my post. Pull your jaw up off of the floor and make sure you don’t bite your tongue as you roll it back up into your head.

Life is hunky doory.

Oh wait it’s not always happy. Sometimes it is.

But right now, we’re trying to figure out which way is up because we’ve been through a lot of good and bad change in our lives in just the last couple of months. A lot of it is really affecting B, because people in this world aren’t always who you thought that they would be and sometimes they change on a dime.

But there have been a lot of freaking awesome. People that take time out of their lives to tell you that you’re appreciated and they think you’re worth keeping around. This has been a continuing thread in both B and I’s lives and that gives us the warm fuzzy feeling inside.

I wasn’t going to write this post. Hell, I put up a fluff piece about the cats. THE CATS. I love the cats but they haven’t cured cancer or done anything YouTube worthy for them to become internet stars.

So, life is life. It’s fun, scary and damn interesting moment-by-moment. Honestly, I’d like it to slow down a bit to the pace it was before but if this is what it takes for B and I to make a life for ourselves, then so be it.

Life is crazy. But really, when is it not??

Thankfully, to keep me sane (or make me insane) and providing free entertainment there is Lola Rocket and Sassy La Rue.

On the outside they look like ordinary house cats but on the inside, they each have distinctive personalities and tolerate each other. Okay, really, it’s Sassy that tolerates Lola and Lola has this insane need to be loved by Sassy. I’m really glad that there isn’t state mandated cat therapy or the bills for these two would bankrupt us.

Lola looks innocent and will be lounging around the couch, then, fast a rocket (haha) she’s running around the apartment, randomly attacking things and Sassy, pretending she’s a big scary cat. Except when anyone goes near her then skittishness sets in and then the heroic folding chair will protect her.

Sassy on the other hand, she doesn’t want you to know that she needs you. She’s a true cats cat. Independent, demanding and aloof. But when you’re not looking all of a sudden a 13lb pile of fur has jumped into your lap and is now stating you can pet her. And that she does need to be loved.

And together, two different cats have finally learned to tolerate each other. Sassy won’t allow a cuddle but she will permit Lola to lay at the same end of the bed with her and there are kitty cat games of tag and hiss that can commence at ANY hour.

Honestly, this post is just me rambling on about my affection for two kitties but really, what can you do when they are your kids? You put up a senseless post bragging about your kids.

(Part two of two on religion in my life.)

The question I dread when I go home to visit my family is, “Have you found a church home?”. I use to be direct, with a “No.” Then of course that leads into the dreaded, “Why? Why not?” and that’s when I typically find a big ol’dish of bean dip to hand the inquisitor.

I know that they pray for my ‘lost soul’ but my soul isn’t lost or wandering around without spiritual guidance. I’m getting plenty of it in my daily discussions with God. I pray fervently in all things, good, bad, and ridiculous. I think a bad thought and I ask forgiveness. I cuss out the driver that cut me off and I pray for God to give him guidance (and sometimes I think that it should be off the road and into a poll – but then I have to pray for forgiveness). I pray for people that have to go through horrific ordeals and I am thankful for all that I’m given.

But the bottom line is that the only judgment that I need is God’s.

When life freezes the lemons, you get really fucking cold lemonade.

There are points where you think you’re emotionally okay and then life places an emotional glass window in front of you and you walk right into it. It hurts physically because you walked into it with full force, emotionally because you didn’t see it coming and then everything inside lingers.

Yesterday, I took a simple photo of Lola hiding under an afghan on the couch because it was cold in the apartment and she wanted some warmth.

The picture doesn’t really capture the adorableness of the moment but B and I wanted to remember her trying to find a spot to cover up, because her fur coat wasn’t cutting it.

That’s when I walked into the emotional glass window.

It was the afghan that triggered the whole thing because I thought I should really email Grandma this photo, she’d love it. She made the afghan and should see that we use it and that our pets enjoy wrapping up in it. But, I can’t. She won’t receive it. At least not on any PC on this planet.

Then I thought maybe I should put the afghan away so that it would be saved forever and ever. It was a ludicrous thought, then I wouldn’t be able to wrap up in something that was crafted with her hands and made with so much love.

And I know that’s why she made it because even though she isn’t here to give me a hug, she gave it to me in the way of fibers twisted together to make yarn and then bound together by a Grandmother that loved me very much. That’s the part of the emotions from my glass window that lingers on.

The afghan won’t go into hiding because there are still going to be moments of when I find that birthday card she sent or another momento, that I’ll need it for a hug that no one on earth can provide.

Life is full of comfort zones in life and we take them for granted. One of that B and I knew that was coming in 2010 is that we were going to be challenged to get out of this warm nest that we had established and take a huge leap of faith.

This leap affects B more than me because he’s going to start working on developing his own business outside of the shadow of a group that he’s independently worked with for the last six years. He’s always wanted to go out on his own and has the skillset to be successful. Honestly, the response he’s gotten from his contacts has been incredibly receptive. We knew that this day would come and now that it’s here, we have butterflies in our stomach and voices in our head screaming, “Economy. Is this going to work? Take the easy way out and the sure thing.”

But, each time I look at a business that’s successful, I think, “Someone had to believe in themselves and their product before any of this could happen.”

So, please send out some happy karma, say a little prayer and think positive thoughts for us.